V/H/S/99 is a 2022 American found footage horror anthology film and the fifth installment in the V/H/S film series. The film features segments from Johannes Roberts, Vanessa & Joseph Winter, Maggie Levin, Tyler MacIntyre, and Flying Lotus. In September 2021, producer Josh Goldbloom stated that a sequel would only be possible if V/H/S/94 proved successful with streaming audiences. Soon after its release via Shudder, V/H/S/94 broke viewership records for the streaming company, which prompted a rush to produce a sequel in time for the following year. I rewatched that movie just a few days ago I would be all caught up for this one, and I am beyond excited to see what this movie has to offer.
Thank god it wasn't V/H/S VIRAL they picked as their gauge of interest.
Oh and before we get started, Unlike in the previous V/H/S entries the film does not have an overarching frame narrative between each shot. Instead, short stop-motion animations of toy soldiers — made by one of the characters from "The Gawkers" — serve as interludes. so we are starting right with the first segment,
SHREDDING
Written and directed by Maggie Levin
I remember being frustrated when VHS 94 couldn't stick to its low quality, and I'm bummed they couldn't stick with it for this movie either. at least they stick with the idea of the piece-of-shit characters, and this movie (and horror in general) is full of them. Bratty punk rock group RACK (an acronym for Rachel, Ankur, Chris, and Kaleb) decides to record a music video inside a condemned underground music venue where the members of another band, Bitch Cat, were trampled to death by fans after a fire broke out a few years back.
As far as V/H/S segments go, this one is an appropriately bizarre start to the movie. Like all of the best segments, it feels like some dickhead kids screwing around with a camera until the shit hits the fan. The bratty band in question is actually pretty dang enjoyable, and I would totally buy this was filmed in the 90s if it wasn't for the HD camera. That being said it does drag on a bit, but I must admit I do enjoy the bizarre payoff this segment gives you for your patience. in execution at least...
sure hope the next one is a little better than this C+ effort.
5/10
SUICIDE BIRD
Written and directed by Johannes Roberts
IS THAT BILLIE E... no no wait, she just looks like her.
Hey, at least I don't hate all of the characters in this one. Freshman Lily is desperate to join her college campus's most prestigious sorority. She is dared to spend the night buried inside a coffin filled with spiders, recreating an urban legend whereupon another student, Giltine, was dared to commit the same deed, only to be forgotten by her classmates over a week and left to die. Pledge hazing, sharing new urban legends, this one has a lot going for it. there is far less plot getting in the way of the story here, and after that first segment, this feels like a god damn masterpiece. It never breaks the fuzzy V/H/S film quality, it's far less predictable, and it's the first segment so far that is actually frightening. The sound design here is amazing, the spider stuff is sure to make somebody scream NOPE, and the payoff is way more than a quick look and some cool practical effects. there are a few leaps in logic that might make the UM ACTUALLY crowd roll their eyes, but regardless this segment is one strong entry in a series full of them.
I suppose my excitement glasses made the first segment seem better than it actually was, but this is a segment that really deserves all of the praise.
this movie sure does love its vengeful ghosts/zombies/whatever
8/10
OZZYS DUNGEON
Written by Zoe Cooper and Flying Lotus, directed by Flying Lotus
FUCK YEAH I LOVE FLYING LOTUS! Kuso, their musical career, this segment is sure to be awesome. A dangerous children's TV game show called "Ozzy's Dungeon," whose prize is a wish granted by the mysterious Ozzy is cancelled after a contestant is permanently injured. Years later, the parents of the injured girl kidnap the former show's host and force him to endure a similar, yet deadlier, obstacle gauntlet in their basement — and discover the true nature of Ozzy.
This one has some major DOUBLE DARE energy, and I love it to bits. Stephen Ogg is the last man on earth I would think of as a game show host, and this segment has a lot of fun with his way-over-the-line character. Most of this segment would feel right at home in UHF until shit gets extremely real extremely fast. it's a great holy shit moment that only leads to more holy shit moments, as this segment continues to blow my mind with its commitment to pure nastiness.
I quite literally found myself cheering during this segment, and I feel like that's really all I have to say about what might be my favourite VHS segment ever.
10/10
THE GAWKERS
Written by Chris Lee Hill and Tyler MacIntyre, directed by Tyler MacIntyre
a young boy's camera is stolen by his older brother so he and his friends can spy on the new girl next door. Their infatuation turns to obsession as the mischievous teens secretly install spyware on her computer to see through her webcam. However, they soon discover the girl's dark secret.
this segment reminds me of the Skateboarding ass-kicking finale of VHS VIRAL. it drags on way too much with dick head kid antics that start out charming and get more and more annoying. haven't the other VHS movies filled the pervert quota by now? this kind of humour has never really worked for me, and it only got more annoying and ridiculous.
1/10
TO HELL AND BACK
Written and directed by Vanessa & Joseph Winter
On the eve of Y2K, videographers Nate and Troy are unwittingly hired by cultists to film a summoning ritual. this one finally manages to be a surprisingly charming comedy at first, and then goes full-Psycho Goremans your ass. The spell backfires and the two friends are instead transported to Hell, where tortured soul Mabel helps them battle several underworld creatures as they attempt to escape back to Earth. yeah the set kind of looks like an old episode of STAR TREK, but it's still kinda fun. fun like going through a small town haunted house filled with spirit Halloween props.
I was going to say this is easily the most immature one so far, but...
what a stinker of an ending
3/10
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