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V/H/S 94

I was very excited when I heard this movie was coming, and I was not disappointed when it finally came. Maybe I should phrase that differently...


Right off the bat, I love just how 1994 the aesthetic of this movie is. The constant VCR filter on screen is amazing, and even the acting and lighting of all the scenes simply screams the '90s. It's a lovely creep show-esque atmosphere that I have always loved from this series, and almost all of it scenes are fun as hell.


As usually I'm going to divide this review into its segments, so let's get started with this wonderful Gale weathers ESC intro.

GALE WEATHERS GETS A TUMMY ACHE

Who couldn't love a perfect recreation of a '90s snarky News Castor and her cameraman covering a story about the world's newest cryptid, the ratman. They seem to dive into the tunnels deeper and deeper, and the tension gets higher with every step they take forward into the darkness. The segment will have you constantly searching every small detail of the fuzzy background to try and find the rat man, and when you find them you'll wish you hadn't.


This segment is what happens when you stick Gail Weathers in BASKIN.


FUNERAL PARLOR AT YOUR LOCAL COLLEGE THEATER

I think one of the reasons this segments filming style is very jarring is because it's filmed like a prank show. This segments VHS filters also far lessened, and it ruins continuity with the first two segments. The acting is every bit as terrible as every episode of creep-show, The setting looks extremely artificial, but to its credit once The camera gets handheld I become one hundred times more into it.


Funny enough the segment with someone just waiting around for something to happen is kinda boring, especially after the incredible first segment. At least the end reveal is kind of okay.


TETSUO'S CHAPPIE WOMAN

Once again I'm disappointed this one doesn't have more of a CRT filter. On the high qualities really distracting in a movie like this one.


This segment is straight up human centipede style body modding surgery gore. I'm a fan o wacky and excited surgeon, and once again doing the camera in someone's eye idea is a great way to present a short like this. When the big reveal finally comes it's agonizingly CG and feels totally out of place for this movie. It has no satisfying ending whatsoever, but at least you're not just The only one at someone's wake, and there's some pretty great gory bits at the end.


Overall it's.... Fine. Maybe stick this one in the next ABC's of death instead.


JESUS CHRIST'S WHITE GUY GUN CLUB

Finally another segment that is filmed and acted perfectly to fit in with the '90s aesthetic.


Welcome to Timothy's and McVeigh's hyper religious fan club. A lot of the reason this segment is so unsettling is just how possible it all feels. At least until the vampires start killing people. This segment is absolutely perfect and is full of amazing creature design and action scenes it's easily one of the highlights of this whole movie.


Blood red sky got you interested in an action movie between vampires and terrorists, this makes a great side piece.


THE STORY THAT CONNECTS IT ALL

Just like Baskin, a bunch of cops raid a creepy ass facility full of supernatural gory nightmares. Except this time all the cops are acting like they're in a '90s TV show, and the setting they're walking through is a CRT filled Eric heaven. It's fun to watch them explore the facility as the rest of the shorts play out on the various TVs surrounding them, The ending to the segment doesn't feel satisfying or even interesting. It's far too over explained, unless the simplicity of the previous entries vague endings.


The main plot is really only there to be a vehicle for all the other grid segments though, so I can't be too hard on it. Over all the good segments in this movie are in the minority, but there's really nothing so terrible that I'd want to turn it off.


Luckily when you think of this movie and hindsight you tend to only remember the best bits.


8/10



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