I Love short story collections, i love mortuary settings in horror movies, and im a huge Clancy Brown simp. what could go wrong?
thew answer is nothing, and this movie rules. now i can already hear all you hard core horror fans when i say that. yes this movie feels like a book made for edgy preteens, this whole movie has a real goosebumps/Scary stories to tell in the dark energy that really works for me. i fully admit this movie feels like something you watch at a Halloween party for 13 year olds. somewhat ironically i enjoy that childish feeling a lot in most horror movies, exept scary storie to tell in the dark.
anyways with my scary stories hot take, lets dive into each of the segments that make this movie really fucking awesome.
OPENING
Right of the bat, the opening credits immediately create that small town Halloween atmosphere that i love so much. it probably helps that we are introduced to Clancy Brown as the perfect Tony Todd style mortician. His voice is perfectly dark and morbid, and he truly looks like a creep-show style horror host. both him and his mortuary are the best parts of this movie.
WAIT WHAT?
a woman hides away in the bathroom to go through all the wallets she has stolen that night, and finds something living behind the mirror. and then its over. this segment is so short i honestly dont think it qualifies as a short. if every segment in this movie was this long, they would all be 10 minutes tops.
THE MIRACLE OF LIFE
CONTESTANT # 1 is the absolute life of the party, and has slept with 67 women in his time at college. He claims to be a feminist, yet refuses to wear condemns, and loves treating women like objects and having clockwork orange style sex montages.
well contestant #1, a sexy boi named Jake winds up pregnant from his last nights outing, and that baby is due today. i wont spoil the rest for you but this is one of the wildest short stories i have ever seen, and a lovely splat of gore to end.
BEAR BEWARE
TRANSYLVANIA TWIST
Guy breaks out of mental hospital to kill babysitter. pretty basic formula, with an awesome and gory twist. this movie has given me a lot of crazy gore, but this ending? holy fucking shit. so much action in this movie happens right before its over, and this ending gets me super pumped. i can only pray that they make a TV show, which it really feels like they are setting us up for that. a brand new crypt keeper on the scene?
yes please
10/10
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