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TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2022

At least Elsie Fisher is a part of this movie, so maybe it wont be total waste of time. right?


After nearly 50 years of hiding, Leatherface returns to terrorize a group of yucky plastic young millennials who accidentally disrupt his carefully shielded world in a remote Texas town. This movie was initially slated for a theatrical release in 2021, but all plans were scrapped after a string of disastrous test screenings. It was then sold to Netflix, and in February of 2022 it was excreted out to the masses.


even though every Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie is set in Texas, the movie was filmed entirely in and around Sofia in Bulgaria. and not in some small town with that similar Texas vibe, on a big old set that feels about as fake as this movies characters. to be fair the set is very well designed, but its impossible to get immersed in such an obviously fake setting. even the town locals (who are far better actors than the main cast) feels like a desperate attempt to make you give a shit about this movie


Hey looks its OG Sally from the first movie! do you care yet? hey look Elsie was a school shooting survivor, do you care about her yet? look a sweet old lady you just met died, do you care yet? well we don't really care anyway, you dumbasses will watch anything with TEXAS CHAINSAW name attached. even if you hate watch this movie we still get our moneys worth, and people will forget this movie ever happened in a few months.


and now that i have cleansed myself of all shit talking, lets talk about the few things in this movie that work really well for me.


THE GORE / SCARES

The gore/kills in this movie are surprisingly awesome, but what surprised me even more was the way this movie creates tension. every slasher movie is packed full of the standard cat and mouse scenes, but this movie manages to never feel boring when Leatherface is stalking about. the director clearly understands horror tropes and what not to do.


LEATHERFACE

I have heard from several people that they aren't a fan of the new Leatherface, and i 100% disagree. Mark Burnham not only looks great, but manages to evoke Leatherface with his physicality. you would want the 80s Jason waking around in your remake, and I'm glad they didn't try and put 70s Leatherface in 2022's remake. a lot like remake Jason, this Leatherface feels far more brutal and frightening the any Leatherface i have seen before. Leatherface has always been a mostly sympathetic softy controlled by his family, in this version he is here to kill as many people as brutally as possible.


guess this movie wasn't as unwatchable as i assumed it would be after all.


5/10


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