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KOLOBOS 1999

Kolobos. It means "mutilated." Some would say it's what Zeus did when he severed the first creatures who roamed the earth in two, condemning them to wander in search of their better half. But others believe he created divine beauty, for in severing the beast, he created man and woman.

-Some dumbass character in this movie idk


When i saw this movie in the Recently Added section on SHUDDER, i thought this was a new movie. turns out its a fairly unknown saw time jam with a Wikipedia article so short you don't need to scroll down to read it all.


artist Kyra Mitchell has just landed a dream job - a 3-month gig as a lab rat in an anthropology-related experimental film. In exchange, she gets free food and lodging in a fully-furnished mountain resort. Her new roommates, know little about Kyra's past. She allows them to see her artwork but tells them nothing about her inspiration, a faceless man who haunts her in nightmares and waking dreams. On her way to grab a soda in the kitchen, Tina walks into a deadly booby trap. When her horrified roommates try to get help, the house locks down, trapping them inside. The surviving roommates race against time to find a way out, all the while being stalked by a faceless killer who Kyra fears may have been more than just a figment of her imagination.


i often talk about hoe movies from the 80s and 70s share a similar feeling, and this movie was born from the primordial ooze of the 90s. every single bit of acting is pure 90s cheese, and all of these crazy ass characters feel like parodies of human beings. despite this movie having an interesting premise at its core, all of this movies dialogue is liquid hot garbage. it really doesn't help the soundtrack sounds straight out of Wiseau's THE ROOM, and the directing is just as uninteresting. on every level this movie really shouldn't work, but the weird thing is it kind of does...


the 45 minute mark is when things get interesting, and we get a nasty ass kill to add to the count. i was surprised just how violent this opening kill (halfway through the movie) gets, and it reminds me of the various traps from CUBE. Once the house goes into full lockdown this movie actually becomes a horror movie, and hits the horror beats surprisingly well. The whole setup is full of plot holes and total impossibilities that nobody discusses, but yet it still manages to deliver some hard to watch torture on these characters with some amazingly practical gore effects.


As a whole, this movie is fascinating. its half god awful teen comedy, half crazy violent SAW 2 style trapped house. Whatever you want to call it, i think this movie deserves more discussion.


7/10


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