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BODY BAGS

so you wanna see Mark Hamills ass huh? well you have come to the right place


Body Bags is a 1993 American horror comedy anthology television film featuring three unconnected stories, with bookend segments featuring John Carpenter, Tom Arnold and Tobe Hooper as deranged morgue attendees. It was directed by Carpenter and Hooper, with Larry Sulkis handling the bookend segments. It first aired on August 8, 1993. It is notable for its numerous celebrity cameo appearances.


I love anthology horror movies like this one. V/H/S, SOUTHBOUND, ABCs of Death, Creep Show, The Twilight Zone, even the bad ones are so easy to watch i could watch a thousand of them and never get bored. And when you throw John Carpenter, Tom Arnold and Tobe Hooper into the mix, you get what i hope will be a great little 90s horror romp.


Unleaded

This feels like an episode of Tales From the Crypt in the best way possible. its fast moving, easily predictable, light hearted and goofy, but still effectively creepy. when a lot of people think of Johnny Carps they think of his crazy gore and practical effects, and as far as this first segment goes its a fairly standard tale of paranoia. That being said its got a fairly unexpected twist (besides Sam Raimi being employee of the month), and things get pretty nasty even with the more fantasy gore effects.


this lady really needs to start double tapping her escaped mental patients.


6/10

Hair

Tobe Hooper time bitches!


I love Tobe Hooper's dark sense of humor, and it fits perfectly with this movies tone. this definitely feels closer to CRYPTS signature mix of horror + comedy, and most of all that 90s level of constant hornyness. this is easily the horniest segment thus far, and it managed to get the first real laugh out of me in this movie. his painted over bald spot, his way to young for him wife, the shots of big old post 80s hair, the whole segment is a big old self conscious men in relationship's in a fun as hell way. there is nothing even remotely horror about the first half of this segment, so when the horror starts to slowly creep in its doubly unsettling.


Just like this is the funniest segment, its also the most horrifying. any regular or part time viewer of MONSTERS INSIDE ME knows how unsettling a concept that is, and this segment is Cronenberg levels of horrifying


10/10

Baseball Man

I'm actually close friends with a baseball man. less than a year ago i remember going to a ball game that turned out t be his first. i was in baseball league as a kid, which may explain my lingering enjoyment of sunflower seeds and dirty rhymes


Brent Matthews (Mark Hamill) is a baseball player whose life and career take a turn for the worse when he gets into a serious car accident in which his right eye is damaged. Unwilling to admit that his career is over, he jumps at the chance to undergo an experimental surgical procedure to replace his eye with one from a recently deceased person. But soon after the surgery he begins to see things out of his new eye that others cannot see, and begins having nightmares of killing women and having sex with them.


if you did already know what an incredible and diverse actor Mark Hamill is, this is a shinning example of his talent. the way he disappears into this role is absolutely incredible, and he easily gives the best performance in this whole movie. this bit is the slowest, but it has plenty of violent/horny bits to keep anyone from falling asleep. at least we get to see Mark going absolutely bat shit crazy as the segment goes on, and the pay off/twist is...meh whatever.


7/10


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