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THE TWILIGHT ZONE MOVIE (1983)

Updated: Jul 27, 2022

Henry Bemis gets a shout out! that has always been my favorite episode, so when i heard them mention it i damn near hit the roof. also I'm totally going to ignore the several real people who died making this movie, so i will include a link at the end of this with review with all the details to that tragedy.


Two men are in a car driving along a country road late at night jamming out to the sweet sweet sound of Creedence Clearwater. when the tape jams and the radio wont work, they resort to a fun game of guess that TV Theme song. Soon enough the conversation turns to what episodes of The Twilight Zone they found most scary. The passenger then asks, "Do you want to see something really scary?" and says to pull over. He transforms into a monster and devours the driver, and after a classic twilight zone intro we are balls deep into one of my favorite movies ever made.


SERIOUSLY MAN, COOL IT WITH THE ANTISEMITIC STUFF

Weird such a wholesome and fun movie opens with the darkest segment in the whole movie. The first segment is a partial reworking, but not a full remake, of the episode "A Quality of Mercy". This segment was also written and directed by John Landis.


Bill Connor is bitter after being passed over for a promotion in favor of a Jewish co-worker. Drinking in a bar after work with his friends, Bill utters slurs towards Jewish, black and Asian people. Alright we get it, this old man is racist. can we kill him now? As much as this character feels over the top and ridiculous, the thought that there are thousands of real people just like him is terrifying.


if you wanna be a racist old asshole, you will end up in Nazi Germany. and also at a Klan rally as the sacrificial black boy. also in Vietnam. and then back with the Nazis for a fun train ride. just be glad you didn't make fun of queer people or you would have found yourself in some dungeon below a pawnshop unable to sit comfortably for awhile.


its a classic morality tale that's well done, and does a good job of capturing the real life confusion and terror caused by these type of events / people / doctrines. Its a bit to heavy handed and uncomfortable for me to really enjoy this first segment, but it feels right at home among all of the other legendary terror tales.


seems kinda harsh, but that guy was a dick so its fine


4/10

OLD FOLKS MIDNIGHT JAMBOREE

Holy shit its Scatman! how could this segment possibly be bad?


The second segment is a remake of the episode "Kick the Can". This segment was directed by Steven Spielberg, from a screenplay by George Clayton Johnson, Richard Matheson, and Melissa Mathison (credited as Josh Rogan), and a story by Johnson.


An old man named Mr. Scatman Bloom has just moved into Sunnyvale Retirement Home. He listens to the other elders reminisce about the joys they experienced in their youth. Bloom insists that being elderly should not, and need not, prevent them from enjoying life. He invites them to join him, later that night, for a game of kick the can. Leo Conroy objects, saying that they cannot engage in physical activity because they are all elderly. While Mr. Conroy sleeps, Mr. Bloom gathers the rest of the residents outside and plays the game, during which they are transformed into childhood versions of themselves.


as much as i love the darker episodes of this show, the Twilight Zone has always had a few episodes that were pure wholesome joy. Every single performance is incredible, the script is full of wonderful comedy that always works, its emotional, hilarious, and just downright fun. It definitely challenges most of the pre conceived notions of how pain full the aging process can be. Your Nana still wants to be a kid, and the craziest part is that she still can be.


there's really nothing else for me to say about this one. its perfect.


I'm not crying or anything... i just have allergy's...


YOUR FAMILY IS WEIRD LITTLE DUDE

Holy shit its Dick Warlock! How could this segment possibly be bad? (Also lesser shout out to the lead from the 1956 INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS)


The third segment is a remake of the episode "It's a Good Life". This segment was directed by Joe Dante, from a screenplay by Richard Matheson, based on the short story by Jerome Bixby. This is the first segment in this movie that is trying to scare you, and it is by far the best part of this whole movie.


Helen Foley, traveling to a new job, visits a rural bar for directions. While talking to the owner, she witnesses a young boy, Anthony, being harassed by a local trying to watch a boxing match. Helen comes to the boy's defense. As Helen leaves the bar, she backs into Anthony with her car in the parking lot, damaging his bicycle. Helen offers Anthony a ride home.


When Helen arrives with Anthony at home, Anthony's family are excessively welcoming. Anthony starts to show Helen around the house, while the family rifles through Helen's purse and coat. There is a television set in every room showing cartoons. She comes to the room of another sister, Sara. Helen calls out to the girl, who is in a wheelchair and watching television, and gets no response. Anthony explains that Sara had been in an accident; Helen is not able to see that the girl has no mouth. this segment has tons of crazy surreal horror like the constantly changing layout of the house, the way the TV Cartoons mirror what's happening IRL, and of course one massive practical effect rabbit.


its full or great tension, perfectly unnatural acting, some amazing practically done creatures, an overall great script, and its short enough to never over stay its welcome. its easily the strongest short in this movie, and i am not at all surprised this was directed by Joe Dante.


Fuck i love Joe Dante...


what's not to love?


THERE IS A MAN ON THE WING OF THE PLANE!!!

Is it just me, or has John Lithgow always looked like an old man trapped in a young mans body. maybe its the hair...


The fourth segment is a remake of the episode "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet". This segment was directed by George Miller, and written by Richard Matheson. This is the third version of this story i have seen (Serling, Peele, and this movie) and this one falls right in the middle. its certainly better than the original episode, and this version turns the whole story into a narrative about anxiety. the segment has a lot more memorable characters, better creature design, more action, and overall better everything.


this is definitely a segment that needed the update, and i'm glad they didn't screw it up.


IN SUMMARY

This movie kicks ass


10/10


--TRAGEDY DETAILS--


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